Why it seems I feel most compelled to write when I feel most at a loss for words is beyond me. Or really, I feel like my words are so inadequate now, in light of recent events, and I’m searching for something profound that will be helpful and healing and anything but trite. And I question, quite frankly, if I even should share any words right now, given my amazingly privileged, safe, generally peaceful existence.
But. If you were saying these things, I would tell you, “Your words matter too! (Just be sure you’re listening.)”
So, I’m going to carry on. Writing. And listening …. always listening.
- Things have been heavy ‘round here. I ceased my typical NPR morning news peruse on Friday because I just couldn’t handle waking up to one.more.story.of.violence.
- Today is Kyle’s birthday. A stark contrast to last year’s birthday when we were trudging home, licking our wounds, from a week out of state after his father’s funeral. That was so awful. And while I’m so thankful we are a year removed from that mess, I’m still dealing with it apparently, as I had an unanticipated cry-fest in a friend’s kitchen last week when she asked me how we were doing. Mostly, I was just so grateful that she acknowledged the anniversary and asked me as most of my hurt surrounding the whole event comes from the silence of friends and family towards Kyle and me in the days, weeks, and months following. (Recently added to my If I Ever Write a Book list: “What To Do When your _______________’s ___________ Dies: A Primer on Grief, Empathy, and Casseroles.” Alternative title: “Whatever You Do, Don’t Do Nothing.”)
- I’m so looking forward to our mini-road trip vacay to northern Wisconsin and Michigan in a few weeks. Ten days away will be such a gift.
- The garden is going gangbusters this year! Radishes, Arugula, and Spinach are done. Lettuce, Kale, and Raspberries have been coming in for two weeks now. And Peas and Beans just started to shine this weekend. I feel on the ball more than I ever have with a garden – actually keeping weeds at bay and harvesting things on time. I’ve developed a better system of figuring out what we will actually eat/use in “real time” and what I should put up too, so less garden waste.
- It’s Kyle’s birthday today. I know I already listed this, but it deserves some more time in the spotlight given my: a) love for birthdays, and b) love for Kyle. We started the day with breakfast and coffee at a local favorite and are going to do dinner at another (new) favorite. We keep well fed on birthdays around here. I’m definitely thinking that 31 is going to be Kyle’s best year yet.
- I’ve been making good friends with the public library these last few weeks and finished up one great read this weekend and started up another. Even though they don’t offer a Summer Reading Challenge for my age bracket, my childhood days of summer reading (and the associated contests and prizes) proved to be influential because I’m always a bit more drawn to some good fiction this time of year.
Hoping for a peaceful week for you (and me, and all of us).