Are you following @bymariandrew on the Instagrams? If not, you definitely should be. She’s talented, witty, honest, and encouraging. Every time I see someone share or re-gram some of her goodness, I get this surge of excitement and I usually shout out loud – “Hey! I KNOW her! We went to college together!” It really is so fun to watch people you know and love do their thang.
Anyway, this little gem captures exactly what I feel on pretty much a daily basis. Not only about last year, but these days as well. Utter gratitude and delight as I hold my beautiful, healthy, smiling baby … and absolute despair and dread every time I read a headline or hear a news snippet about yet another hateful tweet or comment from the POTUS, yet another act of violence, yet another situation where money and empire win out over what is best for people or the earth. It is this exhausting spectrum of emotions. (And, um, I already had a pretty wide spectrum of emotions, let me tell you.) This absurd question of, “How can life be so good for me, but also so awful?”
On a number of occasions, Kyle and I have reflected on how this has been our best year yet: grad school is complete, we both have great jobs, amazing friends who celebrate and support us, a healthy pregnancy, a healthy baby, solid health insurance, the return of the full night’s sleep, plenty of food on the table, a safe home, etc. etc. Truly, I’m overwhelmed at how just plain good things are right now – and so, so, so, so, thankful. And yet, it is so bad out there. I’m exhausted from the anger and I don’t know if I have any emotional reserve left to properly react to the atrocities the pop up every day.
Ugh. My head is spinning just typing this really. Trying to remain informed and aware, and not isolating myself completely from the harsh realities, but also trying to, you know, function.
If it’s not obvious already – this is really just a brain dump. No real thesis here except to point out the ever-obvious fact that life is so beautiful and life is so horrible and you should all go follow my friend on Instagram.